Addicted

Heidi’s diaper bag consists of two diapers and a package of diaper wipes. The rest? Candy. She has Ziploc bags full of them. Starbursts, Skittles, and around Easter the gummy bunnies I love so much. Going anywhere with Heidi you can always count on candy. And lots of it. Going to movies with her there is no need to buy treats, she’s smuggled them in already. The only time this candy is a disadvantage to me is when I’m trying to cut back on my addiction.

You see it all started during essay time at school. If you’ve ever tried to grade 150+ essays then you may know where this is headed. It’s literally impossible without a snack at arm’s length as you go. However, popping them in your mouth as you get going can help you get into a rhythm, but you tend to lose track of how many you’re eating. Which led me to scarfing down the three bags of Starburst jellybeans in only a week in March 2010. Yep. Three large bags. By myself. I didn’t share one.

It kick-started my addiction. And soon, every morning at eleven ‘o’clock as my students wondered out my door and left me alone with my prep period, I went crazy trying to find some sort of consumable sugar to satisfy my cravings. I scoured my cupboards and at first, I always found something to keep me happy. But, as time went by, and my husband discovered the infamous Jellybean Bag Incident of March 2010, I stopped buying treats to try and prove I could stop anytime.

I couldn’t.

I’m sure my students noticed a decline in my mood. They may have been shocked to find out it was all because of candy. (In fact, maybe I should have told them. Maybe I would have Skittles suddenly appear on my desk every morning to guarantee a smiling teacher.)

I got headaches. Sometimes, when it got really bad, I had to scavenge the office secretaries for treats. Finally, I gave up on trying to quit altogether, embraced my love of candy, and bought a huge bag of salt water taffy from Costco. That got me through the rest of the year.

And now that school is out, you’ll find me with the occasional bag of Mike and Ike’s hidden in my purse or a box of Mini Charleston Chews in my nightstand drawer. I don’t need candy at a certain time everyday anymore, but I don’t think my addiction is gone, I probably just hide it better.